Happy International Women's Day. Google today certainly ensured that more people knew about it more than ever with their fantastic Google Doodle.
It has its critics but I believe that it is important to celebrate it, meet inspiring people at IWD events, reflect on just how far we've come in terms of equality, challenge unconscious sexism, question why so many women fail to realise their potential and highlight the brutal inequality battles that some women across the world face.
Mentioning IWD also allows me to cunningly segue into a brief summary of an event I attended last week.
M3 (Marketing and Media Mums) is a networking group for women working in marketing and media. It's the brainchild of Becky McMichael and Emma Sinden:
"M3 is a not for profit network that provides events and networking opportunities for mums in corporate roles within the marketing and media industries."
We meet and talk about the issues that working mums in our profession face and support one another. Sometimes we meet up in the evening for drinks and food, provide a broad pair of shoulders and empathetic ears…then physically support each other as we wobble off home.
The last event was called "The Ultimate Survival Guide for Working Mums". Thanks to the sponsors, Ruder Finn and BT, we listened to 3 brilliant speakers Liz Fraser, Diana Norris and Victoria Megginson and then we shared our personal 'survival' techniques for working mums.
Becky McMichael has written up a brilliant summary of the event here and has included the survival guide.
One of the attendees brought her 4 month old baby. My kids are now at school and my challenges are different to when they were babies and toddlers. Here are two very personal reflections about my early days of being a working mum with the wonderful benefit of hindsight.
I'd like to stress that these are *my* opinions and experiences. They may not be shared by you or other M3 mums.
1. Working mums are powerful role models
There have been dark days when I've wondered why on earth I worked. At one point, childcare costs were significantly higher than my mortgage repayments and it was tough going. The occasional 4.30am starts at 3am finishes, kids with swine flu, tube strikes, dangerously hot offices and London Underground carriages at 8 months pregnant made me question my sanity and were certainly not good for my health.
I'm not wholly convinced that every single working day was worth it, but my career has progressed and I enjoyed the balance of being a mum and continuing with my career. My kids also have very clear ideas about equality and I think that they are proud of their mum. They see a career woman with a healthy work ethic and strong personal and professional friends and connections as well as someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously, laughs with them and gives them as much love as they need (plus some).
In spite of all the hardships, guilt, logistical, physical and emotional battles that working parents face…IT IS WORTH IT BECAUSE WE ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR KIDS
That's not exactly a challenging thought. How about this?
2. I shoud have shared less about my love for my family at work
If I could change one thing about being a working mum, it would be to have been less vocal about my babies/toddlers at work and to take fewer pains to explain why I couldn't make that date/time/arrangement and the difficulties/complexities of working motherhood.
Easy to say with hindsight. After all, how intoxicating is your love for your kids is as they grow from tiny babies to little people? How central are they to your very existence? Isn't every milestone and mispronounced word is pure joy? How loved, proud and special do they make you feel? No wonder we want to shout about it.
But no work colleague or client will ever match your love and fascination for your kids. Very few will empathise with the 'dark side', those challenges that you face to make that 8.30am breakfast meeting when your husband has to be at work at 7am and your closet family member is over 100 miles away. Not many of them will genuinely understand how tough and expensive it is to arrange last-minute care when that big pitch/project/meeting demands your physical presence 'out-of-hours'. Few will understand the pain that you suffer on those mornings when you leave a snot-covered howling child with their carer and commute tearfully to work.
One of the speakers said, "keep your care and love of your family out of your CV" as she talked about changing jobs or seeking employment. I'd also add that it is vital to have a strong sense of self-awareness about just how much of your family-life you share with your colleagues or clients.
I was the first in a young and rapidly growing agency to negotiate extremely flexible working before home broadband and mobile phones were commonplace. My colleagues and HR used to call me 'Momma Michelle'. I didn't like it, but I didn't challenge them. I wasn't professional enough about my work-life boundaries and did little to change their perception of me. I believe that it profoundly changed how I was viewed by colleagues and the board and affected my career progression within that organisation. It was naive of me. It was perhaps unfair of them. By the time I realised it, it was too late.
Here are some of the things I believe I could have done to mitigate this:
- Paused and reflected before sharing my logistical challenges.
- More self-editing about the things that fascinated me about my kids.
- Been more professional in post-maternity discussions and spoken to more working mums with older kids who had experienced returning to work. This is one of the reasons why I think M3 is a brilliant network. If I knew then what I knew now...
- Whilst there are times when you can't avoid saying no to things, I should have better appreciated that there are non-child related things equally important to colleagues that also require flexibility from employers (hobbies, sport, caring for elderly relatives, religion, volunteering, pets, evening classes, MBAs, hot dates, romantic breaks etc).
Diana Norris said, "a lot of women stop themselves from succeeding post-maternity leave". I agree.
Listening to the speakers and other mums, I drew some clear conclusions from this event. I wish that M3 existed years ago. It's important to negotiate the working flexibility that is right for you, put you and your family first and draw up appropriate boundaries between your home and work life.
The next M3 event 'Building your Personal Brand' is on the 26th April if you'd like to jon us.